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by JUNK!

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the subways crowded I try to squeeze in look like an asshole cos they can't see that i'm smiling it's extra smelly I think I know why people are farting cos they don't think we can smell them through our blue mask blues I got them blue mask blues I got my wallet I got my phone I got my keys so I am walking out my door put on my headphones turn up the track but then I realise forgot my fucking mask I got them blue mask blues yes we all got them blue mask blues can't run cant breathe can't kiss can't hug can't sing I know I need it but I don't got to like its a necessary evil that we just have to put up with through these blue mask blues yeah we got them blue mask blues don't be a dickhead please stay safe
ZOOM BOMB! 01:22
I was conducting my first online lecture n the topic of astrophysics the technical department setup the class so they could all see it Then it came to my attention there was a student I didn't recognise he was watching quite intently with a strange look in his eyes   I continued on the topic of the moons surrounding Venus then he unbuttoned his trousers and showed us his penis ZOOM BOMB! ZOOM BOMB! I was finally on the call with the whole extended family after 45 long minutes of help from my son Stanley But it came to my attention a nephew I didn't recognise maybe just my memory failing, I wouldn't be surprised We all caught up and laughed about the stories shared between us then the young man stood up and showed us his penis ZOOM BOMB! ZOOM BOMB! So I was zooming with some boys who I chat with on my phone I met them through a dating app cos I don't wanna feel alone one guy was super into me he wanted us to meet he told me I looked so cute I said aww you're really sweet He asked me if I could feel the chemistry between us I giggled like a school girl and showed him my penis ZOOM BOMB!
It's been 6 months since the quarantine began And I've been letting myself go Dirty clothes are on the floor My beard's so thick you can't see my face My wife hate's it and she cries But she's not allowed outside Oh I have become a filthy man Oh yes I have Oh I have become a filthy man It's been 4 months since I've exercised my body I now weigh 10 kilos more My pants don't fit me anymore Yes I ran out of breath standing up and walking to my fridge But it was worth my sweat and tears For a refill of my beer Oh I have become a filthy man Oh yes I have Oh I have become a filthy man It's been 3 months since I'm drinking every day My daughter says that my breath stinks I haven't played with her in weeks It's not my fault they deliver it straight to my front door My friends don't call me anymore I'm just here lying on the floor Because I I Oh I Yes I have become a filthy man
I'm growing those herbs I'm baking that bread I'm reading the books That I haven't yet read I'm binging the cringe That my friends all suggest Like that Tiger King show But Too Hot to Handle's the best I'm playing the games I've wanted to play Solved 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzles each day Some people complain That they're bored in their homes But this suits me just fine We all need some time alone Some folks are outgoing While others are shy Some people need contact With others outside But this quarantine business is perfect for me Cos I've got a dirty little secret, you see One week before lockdown Is when it began The old lady came home and she was at it again She nagged and she nagged And I tried really hard But I finally snapped Now she's buried in the backyard No-one's been around So no-one suspects That my dear old Lucy Is under the deck So I put on my gown A new book from the shelf And I sit on the couch And enjoy some time to myself Some time to myself



I sat down one day in September and these four songs just fell out of me. It was liberating and super fun to make a handful of 'joke' songs.

I'm proud of this silly EP because:
One track rips off Barenaked Ladies, Guns N' Roses, Queen, Radiohead and The Beatles (can you spot them all?);
I voice an astrophysics professor, a grandfather and a teen girl;
It features an Australian folk song - a genre which I dislike immensely;
The word "penis" is used three times in one song.

To be enjoyed with home baked banana bread and a warm PBR.

Music videos here: bit.ly/QUARANTINE-EP-YOUTUBE


released November 13, 2020


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JUNK! is an audio-visual show like you’ve never seen before.
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